Parenting for peace and respect

The Montessori Academy
3 days ago
4 min read

Montessori can be defined as “education for peace”. It was Dr. Maria Montessori’s goal for children to learn to recognise their own emotions, respect others, and resolve conflicts peacefully. Her belief was that to make positive change in the world, children needed to be educated in a balanced environment which promotes self-awareness and respect for everyone and everything around us.

As parents, we bear the gift and the responsibility of raising the next generation. To contribute towards a more peaceful world for our children to grow up in, there are 4 things we can collectively do TODAY which significantly impact a child’s future.

1. Teach children to recognise their own emotions.

“How did you feel when that happened? You are showing me that you are angry. Do you want a hug or would you like space? What makes you feel happy?”

2. Model the behaviour you wish to see in your family, in your culture, in the world.

For example, you notice a prejudice in your neighborhood against an assisted living house for people with Downs Syndrome. To combat this intolerance from entering your child’s worldview, you might have discussions with your child about Downs Syndrome, read stories with messages of diversity (like The Gruffalo), find out if you can volunteer at the home with your child…. However, the way that will have the greatest effect, is by modelling. Children will do as you do, not as you say. You have to speak to everyone with respect, to gracefully reject the ignorance of others, and be bold in your character.

3. Teach them to ask, not to demand.

“I am hot.”

—“What would you like me to do?”

“Open the window.”

— “I understand. If you want someone to open a window, you can say: ‘Excuse me. Can you please open the window? I feel hot.’”

“Excuse me, Mama, can you please open the window? I feel hot.”

— “Of course!”

4. Create moments of silence and listening

This is a way of teaching presence of mind, awareness of your surroundings, and allowing external calm to create internal calm. Some ways to do this could be:

— sitting together on a park bench and watching the birds in the trees

— practicing controlled breathing, meditation, or yoga together

— walking together through the forest

— pausing between each activity throughout the day, allowing time for your child to order their thoughts and re-center their movements

— playing the silence game with a timer - being completely without noise or movement for 1 minute and listening to the sounds of the environment, sharing with each other afterwards what was heard. :)

The world will be a better place because our children will be the self-aware individuals who are able to truly hear and see others, who exemplify respect for one’s neighbor, and who are able to find peace when faced with chaos.

Where to begin?

If after reading this you feel inspired to change something at home, but don’t know where to start, choose just ONE change that you can commit to today until the end of the next week. If you have been consistent, it will either become natural and intuitive, or you will find out it doesn’t work and have gained perspective on what the real obstacle is and how to approach it.

Here is an example of a mother making a change at home in order to teach her son how to recognise his own emotions:

Every day, my child throws screaming tantrums. I have been trying to hold space for their feelings and hold them until the emotions pass. But this is no longer sustainable. My son is four years old now and he is very strong and loud. His outbursts are disturbing - and even sometimes dangerous - to others. This week, I will commit to changing this. My son needs to learn to be aware of his anger, know when it’s coming, and express it appropriately. I need to teach my son, that I can have sympathy for his emotions without permitting misbehaviour.

Before a tantrum: When I see the signs of him getting upset, I will intervene. With one hand on my chest and one hand on his, we will take a deep breath together. Hopefully this will prevent the explosion and we can talk through his feelings.

During a tantrum: I will remain completely emotionally unaffected. No matter what he does or says, I will elicit no reaction. My only concern will be his safety and my own. Once he realises that I will not respond to yelling or violence, he will eventually calm down and we can move on to the next step.

After a tantrum: I will ask him if he’s ready to talk, offer a cuddle, offer to help him calm down with a deep breath…

— If he threw something I will show it to him and remove it. “When you threw this toy, it shows me that you are not able to take care of it right now. I will put it away and when you can go one day without throwing toys, I will give it back to you.”

— If he hit me, I will explain: “if you hit me when you are upset, then it’s not safe for me to be close to you and I have to go away. If you want me to spend time in the room with you, then you have to keep me safe. If you can not hit me for one day, then I can plan with you in the room again.”

At Montessori Academy we believe that education doesn’t start and end at the school doors. It is a lifelong process.

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Thank you for reading!

We look forward to being a part of your families’ Montessori journeys and hope to meet you soon!

- The Montessori Academy